I was recently dumped (Is the word ‘dumped’ even right? It wasn't even an official relationship, I don't know, readers, you guess) by a very beautiful, sweet, cute and charming girl (read bitch!) before I could even propose to her. She made me fall in love with her and then, she went and fell in love with another guy (Refer to the previous post if you want to get an idea about this). Anyway I got hurt, moped about it for a few days and now I am getting back on my feet. But, getting dumped has both advantages as well as disadvantages, so these are some of the things that I observed in myself from last week that I am going to put down in here:
1. You try to tell everyone that you are hurt but stop yourself short because people will think you to be weak:
People, it really hurt. When you were nearing to the certainty that this was it, and then suddenly the whole situation changes, and you are the one ending up with injuries while the other one is euphoric to find a new paramour. The problem is that you can't share this with friends (at least I tried not to, but couldn't go on any longer) or even your family (no, I haven't told them anything about it). In this position, the more you try to hold the pain in, the more it hurts and the more you try to shout it out to people, especially to the one who actually broke your heart.
I AM HURT. I WAS BETRAYED. SOMEBODY HEAR MY PAIN.
But you can't do that because you will lose your dignity and also your ego for this. You also can't go on like this forever, so you leak it out to only a very few trusted select friends, and they try to console you; after that you put on a brave face and become strong as you think that, at least these people are with you.
Parents! That's a very different story. Just say a thing and you get a long lecture in return. That is because they have sent you so far away from home to study and not to experience puppy love. Therefore, how much you try telling them that you are heartbroken, all they can hear is that you are not concentrating on your studies and thus, instead of finding a little bit of support from your family, all you can see is that the whole discussion is going down into the gutter.
2. You promise yourself to avoid any contact with her but instead, you, yourself, end up contacting her:
After getting dumped this unceremoniously, you promise yourself to avoid all possible contact from her, phone, Facebook (you block all her news feeds after you realize this), Gmail, and even, in class; and keep as much distance, you can, from her and you do that for two weeks by not answering her one call and two sms-es. But after some time your resolve weakens, giving in, as your friends suggest and you, yourself, consider that you still have to spend one and half years more in the same class with her; you try to develop an attitude that it was not a big deal. Thus, you swallow your pride as you initiate contact again just to remain in good terms with her and talk to her in class as she tells you that she is angry at you for not returning her one call as well as her two sms-es (just two) in two weeks and you can't say anything to that because in your mind, you are shouting, “YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU BITCH !! AND THEN YOU DUMPED ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!”; maintaining a poker face only to manage a weak smile. And then later when you see a Facebook update of her being sick, and that very second, you ask her about her health over the phone through a sms and then, begins a round of conversation where you try to leave in the middle but you can't, as your ever helpful attitude doesn't permit it, and you inform her about the ID registration at the college on the next day.
3. Friends treat you like, you have survived a very fatal car crash:
I haven't told many of friends about this, so the first response from a friend (who came to know about it from other sources) was, whether I was OK or not. At first I didn't realize what the friend was talking about, and then I realized…The next friend gave me a long lecture on Gtalk, that these things happen, they are a part of life, at least it happened before I was too involved in it, and to just move on. (No offense meant to anyone of them!!! If you people hadn't been in my life, I would have really spun out of control). I found that I was being talked to like a survivor of a very fatal accident. Actually the crash was very much real but it was psychological (now whatever that means!!).
4. You immerse yourself into work (and study), wholeheartedly:
To take your mind off things, you get yourself to work and even find yourself doing the work of others, too. You get yourself into the Club’s training session and find yourself to forget about the whole thing, till it is over and you are idle for the rest of the day doing nothing but reminiscing over the whole fiasco again and again.
You are very surprised to find yourself to take up your books to study at this time (which is really weird because you study only on the day before your tests and just a week before the semester exams). You get yourself a big heavy book on Linguistics from the departmental library which you think, you really intend to study).
I am an avid player of computer games. But since last year I haven't played many games instead I concentrated on downloading movies and TV series. So I bought myself the Medal of Honor (2010), a first person PC shooter game. Installed it and did everything, but it didn't work. Got more frustrated and shut down the computer and went to sleep, cursing my luck.
5. You get a deep hatred building inside you against the total womankind (No offense meant to any of my female friends):
Since you get dumped by a girl, it is obvious, that you are going to hate her. But as time passes the anger rises to a level that you started hating the entire womankind. Exceptions are only for your mom and a very few select female friends (but sometimes you might forget about them and they might have to bear the brunt of your hatred, which might be detrimental to you physically in the end game).
We had a course in our BA 3rd year called ‘Fallen Women’. It was a simple one. In the Victorian ages, the man would get the woman pregnant, promising her better future (as in marriage) to them, but would abandon her later, leaving herself all alone to take care of the illegitimate child; fighting for herself in a very rigid and judgmental society. Novels by Thomas Hardy, George Eliot, and several other writers were taught in this course. In this course, there were only four guys including me and more than twenty five people were all girls and among the guys, only two of us were regular and the girls were…very regular. In the classes, there were very heated discussions, on how men were, simply, dogs and how insensitive they were as they considered women nothing more than commodities. I don't know about the other guys but I could really feel the two hundred year old anger of these women as well as the girls (in the class) for the male human species on me. I could feel some of the girls actually breathing down my neck, ready to pounce on me and beat me black and blue for the past transgressions of these men (which I was really not a part of). At the end of the class I actually felt like running out of the class to save myself. I understood their anger and pain but LADIES!!! That was more than two hundred years ago and even if you need to release your age-old anger, just go and find the actual "bad" guys and punish them. Don't hurt the guys who actually are nice to you!! Today, you have achieved great accomplishments, one of them being that you people have actually reversed the whole situation, as, now you are the ones who lure the guys who actually believe in true feelings (and are nice to people) into your booby traps (pun not intended) and as they get hurt, you get yours jollies off them (not just in my case, but I guess, there are many cases like me). Very nice of you people to turn into such conniving bitches. So, RECOGNIZE THAT!!!
6. You start to imagine very unrealistic scenarios:
These symptoms are very common and they start from the day you are dumped.
What happened? What did you do wrong? Your mind goes into overdrive imagining every possible scenario…then these scenarios progress to develop into the disturbing ones that show you in a very angry mode, trying to strangle something (read someone!).
Later, as your mind tries to cool down, you think of what more you could have done. What an idiot you had been. Why couldn't you see the inevitable? Whether you were really had been wrong or not. What did the other guy have, that I didn't have right now? Oh yes, I got it. I had everything except a job (the joining is in the next year while mine will be one and half years later), a cool motorbike, a four wheeler car, probably a Maruti, a furnished flat and yes, of course, money (I do have money but not that much). How could I miss that?
Anyway, as you give it more time, these scenarios become more and more unrealistic. For example, your mind forms scenes similar to that of action movies, where you fight a bunch of bad guys (terrorists or gundas), save innocent people (this is optional as long as you save your loved one before them), become a hero and regain the love that was lost (co-incidentally I was watching "Die Hard" last night, which had a huge similarity to this). But alas!! Those types of situations don’t happen in Kolkata, at least not in front of you.
You also have a tiny hope that she might return, and you, even, imagine those situations and try to practice your reactions to them, too.
Lastly, when you have nothing more to think about this, you tell yourself that she is the one who was wrong for leaving you, because you might not have been perfect at this (as I was very much new to this), but you were real enough not to betray and hurt anyone, and she wasn't. She just lost a great guy from her life and she will never get him back. And you are not exaggerating this fact, even for a bit.
7. The number of fags that you smoke, goes way up:
I am not a chain smoker, I am smoke in control. One or two cigarettes in a day and on some days, I don't. I had promised myself that I would quit smoking the day I got into a relationship, but it seems that God has another set of plans for me. Therefore, after the situation turned bad, my smoking increased in somewhat of an arithmetic progression from this week, I smoked about 35 cigarettes and this is only the fourth day of the week. My lungs are going to be toast within a few weeks, if I continue like this.
Booze is also a solution but money problems prevent you as well as common sense prevails when you remember the last time you had large amounts of booze and the throw-up situation that followed.
Anyway, these were some of the experiences that I had in the last couple of days. Moving on is difficult, but it actually builds character, I guess. At least I am a little bit smarter, stronger and cautious than the last time. Now I have a little bit of an idea about how the mind of a woman works. Ladies go for the fattest chicken! REMEMBER THAT GUYS!!! I saw a movie called Pyar Ka Punchnama, a few days ago, and it was actually a chauvinistic view on women but the stuff that was shown was all true and I experienced one such situation. Therefore, people, who didn't like Pyar Ka Punchnama, SUCK IT!!!
1. You try to tell everyone that you are hurt but stop yourself short because people will think you to be weak:
People, it really hurt. When you were nearing to the certainty that this was it, and then suddenly the whole situation changes, and you are the one ending up with injuries while the other one is euphoric to find a new paramour. The problem is that you can't share this with friends (at least I tried not to, but couldn't go on any longer) or even your family (no, I haven't told them anything about it). In this position, the more you try to hold the pain in, the more it hurts and the more you try to shout it out to people, especially to the one who actually broke your heart.
I AM HURT. I WAS BETRAYED. SOMEBODY HEAR MY PAIN.
But you can't do that because you will lose your dignity and also your ego for this. You also can't go on like this forever, so you leak it out to only a very few trusted select friends, and they try to console you; after that you put on a brave face and become strong as you think that, at least these people are with you.
Parents! That's a very different story. Just say a thing and you get a long lecture in return. That is because they have sent you so far away from home to study and not to experience puppy love. Therefore, how much you try telling them that you are heartbroken, all they can hear is that you are not concentrating on your studies and thus, instead of finding a little bit of support from your family, all you can see is that the whole discussion is going down into the gutter.
2. You promise yourself to avoid any contact with her but instead, you, yourself, end up contacting her:
After getting dumped this unceremoniously, you promise yourself to avoid all possible contact from her, phone, Facebook (you block all her news feeds after you realize this), Gmail, and even, in class; and keep as much distance, you can, from her and you do that for two weeks by not answering her one call and two sms-es. But after some time your resolve weakens, giving in, as your friends suggest and you, yourself, consider that you still have to spend one and half years more in the same class with her; you try to develop an attitude that it was not a big deal. Thus, you swallow your pride as you initiate contact again just to remain in good terms with her and talk to her in class as she tells you that she is angry at you for not returning her one call as well as her two sms-es (just two) in two weeks and you can't say anything to that because in your mind, you are shouting, “YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU BITCH !! AND THEN YOU DUMPED ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!”; maintaining a poker face only to manage a weak smile. And then later when you see a Facebook update of her being sick, and that very second, you ask her about her health over the phone through a sms and then, begins a round of conversation where you try to leave in the middle but you can't, as your ever helpful attitude doesn't permit it, and you inform her about the ID registration at the college on the next day.
3. Friends treat you like, you have survived a very fatal car crash:
I haven't told many of friends about this, so the first response from a friend (who came to know about it from other sources) was, whether I was OK or not. At first I didn't realize what the friend was talking about, and then I realized…The next friend gave me a long lecture on Gtalk, that these things happen, they are a part of life, at least it happened before I was too involved in it, and to just move on. (No offense meant to anyone of them!!! If you people hadn't been in my life, I would have really spun out of control). I found that I was being talked to like a survivor of a very fatal accident. Actually the crash was very much real but it was psychological (now whatever that means!!).
4. You immerse yourself into work (and study), wholeheartedly:
To take your mind off things, you get yourself to work and even find yourself doing the work of others, too. You get yourself into the Club’s training session and find yourself to forget about the whole thing, till it is over and you are idle for the rest of the day doing nothing but reminiscing over the whole fiasco again and again.
You are very surprised to find yourself to take up your books to study at this time (which is really weird because you study only on the day before your tests and just a week before the semester exams). You get yourself a big heavy book on Linguistics from the departmental library which you think, you really intend to study).
I am an avid player of computer games. But since last year I haven't played many games instead I concentrated on downloading movies and TV series. So I bought myself the Medal of Honor (2010), a first person PC shooter game. Installed it and did everything, but it didn't work. Got more frustrated and shut down the computer and went to sleep, cursing my luck.
5. You get a deep hatred building inside you against the total womankind (No offense meant to any of my female friends):
Since you get dumped by a girl, it is obvious, that you are going to hate her. But as time passes the anger rises to a level that you started hating the entire womankind. Exceptions are only for your mom and a very few select female friends (but sometimes you might forget about them and they might have to bear the brunt of your hatred, which might be detrimental to you physically in the end game).
We had a course in our BA 3rd year called ‘Fallen Women’. It was a simple one. In the Victorian ages, the man would get the woman pregnant, promising her better future (as in marriage) to them, but would abandon her later, leaving herself all alone to take care of the illegitimate child; fighting for herself in a very rigid and judgmental society. Novels by Thomas Hardy, George Eliot, and several other writers were taught in this course. In this course, there were only four guys including me and more than twenty five people were all girls and among the guys, only two of us were regular and the girls were…very regular. In the classes, there were very heated discussions, on how men were, simply, dogs and how insensitive they were as they considered women nothing more than commodities. I don't know about the other guys but I could really feel the two hundred year old anger of these women as well as the girls (in the class) for the male human species on me. I could feel some of the girls actually breathing down my neck, ready to pounce on me and beat me black and blue for the past transgressions of these men (which I was really not a part of). At the end of the class I actually felt like running out of the class to save myself. I understood their anger and pain but LADIES!!! That was more than two hundred years ago and even if you need to release your age-old anger, just go and find the actual "bad" guys and punish them. Don't hurt the guys who actually are nice to you!! Today, you have achieved great accomplishments, one of them being that you people have actually reversed the whole situation, as, now you are the ones who lure the guys who actually believe in true feelings (and are nice to people) into your booby traps (pun not intended) and as they get hurt, you get yours jollies off them (not just in my case, but I guess, there are many cases like me). Very nice of you people to turn into such conniving bitches. So, RECOGNIZE THAT!!!
6. You start to imagine very unrealistic scenarios:
These symptoms are very common and they start from the day you are dumped.
What happened? What did you do wrong? Your mind goes into overdrive imagining every possible scenario…then these scenarios progress to develop into the disturbing ones that show you in a very angry mode, trying to strangle something (read someone!).
Later, as your mind tries to cool down, you think of what more you could have done. What an idiot you had been. Why couldn't you see the inevitable? Whether you were really had been wrong or not. What did the other guy have, that I didn't have right now? Oh yes, I got it. I had everything except a job (the joining is in the next year while mine will be one and half years later), a cool motorbike, a four wheeler car, probably a Maruti, a furnished flat and yes, of course, money (I do have money but not that much). How could I miss that?
Anyway, as you give it more time, these scenarios become more and more unrealistic. For example, your mind forms scenes similar to that of action movies, where you fight a bunch of bad guys (terrorists or gundas), save innocent people (this is optional as long as you save your loved one before them), become a hero and regain the love that was lost (co-incidentally I was watching "Die Hard" last night, which had a huge similarity to this). But alas!! Those types of situations don’t happen in Kolkata, at least not in front of you.
You also have a tiny hope that she might return, and you, even, imagine those situations and try to practice your reactions to them, too.
Lastly, when you have nothing more to think about this, you tell yourself that she is the one who was wrong for leaving you, because you might not have been perfect at this (as I was very much new to this), but you were real enough not to betray and hurt anyone, and she wasn't. She just lost a great guy from her life and she will never get him back. And you are not exaggerating this fact, even for a bit.
7. The number of fags that you smoke, goes way up:
I am not a chain smoker, I am smoke in control. One or two cigarettes in a day and on some days, I don't. I had promised myself that I would quit smoking the day I got into a relationship, but it seems that God has another set of plans for me. Therefore, after the situation turned bad, my smoking increased in somewhat of an arithmetic progression from this week, I smoked about 35 cigarettes and this is only the fourth day of the week. My lungs are going to be toast within a few weeks, if I continue like this.
Booze is also a solution but money problems prevent you as well as common sense prevails when you remember the last time you had large amounts of booze and the throw-up situation that followed.
Anyway, these were some of the experiences that I had in the last couple of days. Moving on is difficult, but it actually builds character, I guess. At least I am a little bit smarter, stronger and cautious than the last time. Now I have a little bit of an idea about how the mind of a woman works. Ladies go for the fattest chicken! REMEMBER THAT GUYS!!! I saw a movie called Pyar Ka Punchnama, a few days ago, and it was actually a chauvinistic view on women but the stuff that was shown was all true and I experienced one such situation. Therefore, people, who didn't like Pyar Ka Punchnama, SUCK IT!!!
