I have known her for more than three years. I met her in my first year; she was in my class. The first day I saw her, I fell head over heels for her. Her eyes were so beautiful; there were times when I felt like drowning in them. Her smile lit up my whole day. A perfect mixture of intelligence, wit and prettiness; she had a perfect personality. After meeting her, it seemed that I came to the college just to see her. The days when she talked to me or even just touched me on the shoulder asking, “What’s up?” made my day worth a lot…The days she missed college or didn’t talk to me, I became so grumpy that even my friends couldn’t tolerate me.
But the only problem was that I couldn’t tell her anything about my feelings. I couldn’t face a “No” from her, even if there was a 99% possibility of that answer... I would like to stay in a limbo of uncertainty rather than face her revealing my feelings for her and getting myself devastated with her answer of possibly being a rejection. This was the extent of my fear. The irony of the situation was that, everybody except her knew about my feelings for her. (This is the case for me, even today)
She had a very good rapport with everybody, except me, I guess. I was a just a nice guy to her. In addition to that, I was very shy in front of her. “Shy” in the sense that I stayed away from her just enough, for her to notice me but not too close where, I, in my weakest moment, might let slip up and divulge my feelings for her in some way or another. This was what I did, for two years…
At the beginning of my third year, by some strange turn of events, she actually got close to me. Not emotionally, mind you; basically she again joined the club where I was a member of. I was overjoyed to see her at the club outing. I thought this was my chance. Maybe I could talk to her again…know her more…
But she stopped coming after that day. Again she grew distant, and I again returned to the former Shy-self. But I did look out for opportunities just to talk to her and spend some time with her even if that meant, for instance, going to the Xerox shop for half an hour to photocopy notes for her when I had a class in ten minutes.
This was the situation on that particular day, when she needed help to get some class notes. Fortunately I had those notes and I jumped out of my bench to be the knight in shining armor and even offered her to accompany her to the Xerox shop to get them photocopied. A friend of mine, who is known as Pratim( the name has been changed a little), accompanied both of us to the shop. I was a little annoyed at him for being the “kabab mein haddi” but in the long run, I am really grateful to him for being present there, that day. The shopkeeper got busy with his work and she chirped about how and what she was doing those days, talking to Pratim while I was in the background, just happy with her presence. I was too mesmerized with her, to notice that I was being completely ignored.
When the work was done, she looked at me smiling heartily, and said, “Thanks a lot, Pratim.”
I was awestruck for a moment after which I realized that it was not my name that she was thanking but of my “kabab mein haddi” friend, who was trying to suppress his laughter which I could see from the corner of my eyes.
She continued, “I would have been in great trouble if I didn’t get these notes in time, so thank you very much, Pratim. You really are a lifesaver”.
Then she turned around and left, while I stood there, dumbstruck, like an idiot, with my friend who, now, was unable to control his laughter.
That was the day when I learned love is very much overrated.
But the only problem was that I couldn’t tell her anything about my feelings. I couldn’t face a “No” from her, even if there was a 99% possibility of that answer... I would like to stay in a limbo of uncertainty rather than face her revealing my feelings for her and getting myself devastated with her answer of possibly being a rejection. This was the extent of my fear. The irony of the situation was that, everybody except her knew about my feelings for her. (This is the case for me, even today)
She had a very good rapport with everybody, except me, I guess. I was a just a nice guy to her. In addition to that, I was very shy in front of her. “Shy” in the sense that I stayed away from her just enough, for her to notice me but not too close where, I, in my weakest moment, might let slip up and divulge my feelings for her in some way or another. This was what I did, for two years…
At the beginning of my third year, by some strange turn of events, she actually got close to me. Not emotionally, mind you; basically she again joined the club where I was a member of. I was overjoyed to see her at the club outing. I thought this was my chance. Maybe I could talk to her again…know her more…
But she stopped coming after that day. Again she grew distant, and I again returned to the former Shy-self. But I did look out for opportunities just to talk to her and spend some time with her even if that meant, for instance, going to the Xerox shop for half an hour to photocopy notes for her when I had a class in ten minutes.
This was the situation on that particular day, when she needed help to get some class notes. Fortunately I had those notes and I jumped out of my bench to be the knight in shining armor and even offered her to accompany her to the Xerox shop to get them photocopied. A friend of mine, who is known as Pratim( the name has been changed a little), accompanied both of us to the shop. I was a little annoyed at him for being the “kabab mein haddi” but in the long run, I am really grateful to him for being present there, that day. The shopkeeper got busy with his work and she chirped about how and what she was doing those days, talking to Pratim while I was in the background, just happy with her presence. I was too mesmerized with her, to notice that I was being completely ignored.
When the work was done, she looked at me smiling heartily, and said, “Thanks a lot, Pratim.”
I was awestruck for a moment after which I realized that it was not my name that she was thanking but of my “kabab mein haddi” friend, who was trying to suppress his laughter which I could see from the corner of my eyes.
She continued, “I would have been in great trouble if I didn’t get these notes in time, so thank you very much, Pratim. You really are a lifesaver”.
Then she turned around and left, while I stood there, dumbstruck, like an idiot, with my friend who, now, was unable to control his laughter.
That was the day when I learned love is very much overrated.
